Understanding Depression: Navigating the Shadows to Find Light

This post does contain some swearing. Not suitable for kids!!

My last post outlined some things about the road to growth. But what happens when things stop and don’t progress, and you spin out of control? What do you do?

Growth

We will touch on this later, but you need certain things to succeed in life, grow, and be happy. But this thing comes into play and throws a wrench into growth and progress.

It destroys you and it tears you down. What is it? Well, it is called Depression. A very mean thing that throws your life into a living hell.

Depression

What is depression?

It is a serious mental health condition characterized by persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, and difficulty carrying out daily tasks. It’s more than just feeling down; it’s a persistent state that can significantly impact how you feel, think, and behave. While the exact cause is unknown, it’s believed to be a combination of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors.

It affects everyone in one way or another. Some people handle it quite well, while others don’t and cause hell for everyone around them.

These types of people don’t handle it very well. They did the following:

Don’t care about others
They only care about themselves
They threatened to kill them selfs all the time
Just wants to be dead
No reason for living
Blame others
Thinks people don’t understand and never have things happen to them.

There are a lot more, but these are the things that I will focus on.

Theaten to Kill Themselves

When someone does this every day, it gets tiring. It takes an emotional toll on the people around you. You are destroying not only your life but everyone around you. It isn’t fun.

They want to be dead so they don’t feel the pain anymore, and they have no reason for living. This is all due to the psychological factors that are causing the depression.

Blame Others

Yes, other factors, outside factors, can play a part in what is going on. But it is primarily how you deal with it. If you make it a living hell for people around you, then you don’t care about the people around you. You only care about yourself. You blame others and don’t try to work on the issue.

No one understands

Yes, people do understand. They’ve gone through things. We all go through things, and we do understand what is going on. It isn’t like we have never gone through anything.

Doesn’t Care

But when that person doesn’t give a shit about anything or anyone. Then that is a problem. You can be depressed. But you don’t listen to people around you and think they don’t know what they are discussing. They’d know. More than you think. But th more and more you dwell on the shit that caused you depression in the first place you don’t give a crap.

You make life more complicated for everyone. You don’t see what it does to people around you.

When you don’t care, you destroy relationships, you push people away, you slowly destroy the emotional part of people around you, and it will slowly kill them. They will die of a broken heart.

Story time

I was seriously depressed during my senior year. I’m not sure if people knew it, but I am sure you could sometimes tell it on my face. I had just broken up with a girl I was dating for a while. My life was in total free fall. Things were piling up on me. I didn’t tell anyone my thoughts about killing myself. I did have a plan, and I was going to do it.

But life changed one night. I ended up at my Aunt’s house at 10 p.m., just showing up there. We watched Star Trek: The Next Generation at 10 p.m. on Fox 13. We didn’t talk much, but I just needed the company. I mean, I was still depressed. I was still alive.

I had a few girlfriends my senior year in high school., I dated the last one for about 3 months. Things were going pretty well. That i what I thought. We talked all the time, we went to different schools. We spent a lot of time together and made out all the time. For being a nerd, it seemed I got all the pretty girls. Go figure, right? Well, the end of May was coming up, and you know, graduation was coming up. She had my letterman’s jacket even if she went to a different high school—the first girl who ever asked to wear it.

I went to her graduation, and that is when I found out. There was another guy there with her. I talked with her, and then we made plans for the weekend.

It went about the rest of the week. We hung out on Saturday. Then things changed; she quit her job and moved to Salt Lake City. She never told me. She just up and left. I then showed up at her house. That’s when I found out she moved out. I asked for my letterman’s jacket back. They got it back and found it in her room.

I had a feeling that things started to come to light while we were dating in May, a few weeks before graduation. I found out after she moved out that she was seeing other guys and sleeping with them.

Yeah, for the things that I heard, I mean I wasn’t surprised. But I thought I was getting better and that my depression was getting better. I mean, there was a popular, pretty, hot girl going out with a nerd, loser like me. Was it because I wouldn’t sleep with her? I don’t know. But af er that, I could have shut down and gone back to planning my death.

It hit me hard, but I didn’t let that action take over my life. I had a full-time job. I used myself in that job. I worked my butt off. I was invited to lunch with people. I was feeling accepted, nothing like I was a few months ago. I was still depressed as hell, but I was doing better. I was finally going to ask a girl out that I had had a crush on for a long time.

One day, I was working, and this guy came up to me. Let’s call him “Spit.” He was dating the girl I broke up with earlier in the year. He threatened me with bodily harm if I didn’t stop bugging her. I mean, I am nice, and I say hi when I see her. Since we work together, I wasn’t going to be a jerk.

He told me to stop driving by her house. She lived next door to my uncle and spent time at his house. He has a sports car and a nice motorcycle. Nonetheless, he also said some things that weren’t true about me.

After he left, my supervisor and manager approached me, and they could tell that something wasn’t right. I told them what happened. They went to security and watched the tape. Yes, there was a camera on me all day long.

From then on, I was never left alone. There was someone with me while I worked, so that made me feel better. People were looking out for me. I mean, I was still depressed, but knowing that people would take the time to look out for me and make sure I was safe made me feel better.

I never asked out the girl I had a crush on. I didn’t want to bring her into my life with Spit around; I didn’t want to bring her into my hellish life. I hope she will understand.

The Point

I was depressed, but I didn’t manifest it to the people around me. I didn’t tell everyone I didn’t want to live. Why would I thrust my sadness onto others and destroy them emotionally? Bring everyone down.

Yes, if I were out there telling everyone my thoughts, would it have changed anything? I don’t know. But when you are telling people your thoughts about death, and people try to help you, you push them away because they don’t understand what you are going through.

Yes, people understand, and they either have been through things like you or worse. They’re still around. But you won’t listen, bringing down the people around you.

What Point

When you see someone struggling with depression, they manifest thoughts of death and not wanting to live anymore. You try to do everything possible to help them out. But when do you give up and let them destroy themselves? Ending their life?

But will their death solve the issue?

Hell no, it won’t.

It will just cause more depression for the people around them. The thoughts of what I could have done better will plague you for the rest of your life.

But when the person you are trying to help out won’t listen and thinks that their life has no meaning. What can you do?

They are just pissing away their life and taking oppurinties